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I am not a Harry Potter fan. I am a Harry Potter maniac.
When I got to choose a college graduation trip, I chose the Harry Potter theme park in Orlando, even though my sister chose a Mediterranean cruise. When I planned my sister’s bachelorette party, it was Harry Potter themed—and that was just as much for me as it was for her. Or maybe it was just for me. I am a total Potterhead.
It’s partly because I literally grew up with Harry Potter. Every time a book came out, I was about the same age as Harry. And while I couldn’t relate to the magic part of the books—believe me, I tried—I did relate to the characters. They dealt with school, relationships, wins, losses, family, and solidifying their moral codes, just like me.
But now, I’m in an older phase of life, and I’ve sort of hit a brick wall. Many of my friends are having children. And while I don’t plan on becoming pregnant anytime soon, I’m at the age where I’m really starting to think about one day getting married and having kids.
This is where I’m at a loss. Pregnancy is on my mind, and I’m wondering how pregnancy works in Harry Potter World. But J.K. Rowling taught us nothing about wizard pregnancy.
So, I’m just going to take over. Based on conversations I’ve had with my friends who are mothers (or are planning on becoming mothers), here are 8 spells that J.K. Rowling should invent for both the wizarding and the real world.
1. Fertilis Otium (For Infertility)
One in 8 couples struggle with infertility. Just one cycle of in vitro fertilization (IVF) costs, on average, $12,400. A spell that instantly creates a baby would save couples a lot of frustration—and a whole lot of cash.
2. Maninfirmitatem Peribit (For Morning Sickness)
Nausea and vomiting during the first trimester of pregnancy is called morning sickness. It’s very common—more than 50% of pregnant women experience it. A nice swig of anti-nausea potion would be a game-changer.
3. Crampus Exitatem (For Muscle Cramps)
Cramps and joint pain are some of the most uncomfortable symptoms of pregnancy. Epsom salt baths and heating pads might do the trick, but they can be a little time-consuming. It would be a lot quicker to just tap the aching body part with a wand and presto! Pain gone.
4. Pedlantana Fini (For Swollen Feet)
During pregnancy, there might be a buildup of fluid in the tissues. This can cause swelling in the feet, ankles, and legs—which doesn’t bode well for fitting into shoes. So, if J.K. Rowling can’t bless us with a spell to unswell, maybe she could at least give us a spell to widen shoes.
5. Incuratus Sanusa (For Cravings)
How great would it be to have a spell that lets you eat whatever you want during pregnancy, without gaining any weight other than baby weight? (While we’re at it, let’s just extend this spell for general use.)
6. Vadinfan Ponduso (For Baby Weight)
Let’s be honest—most women don’t stay cooped up like Kim Kardashian and lose baby weight in a week. It can take a long time to shed those pounds. It’s all worth it for that little bundle of joy, but it would be pretty great to lose that little bundle leftover around your belly.
7. Vetitumos Benignita (For Forbidden Foods)
Deli meat, most types of fish, soft cheese, alcohol—these are all no-nos for pregnant women. They can damage the fetus, causing sickness or birth defects. But it can be really frustrating and challenging to give up some of your favorite foods for almost a year. And that’s why a spell to “clean” these foods so they don’t harm the baby would be fantastic.
8. Accio Baby! (To Have The Darn Kid Already)
Technically, “accio” is already a Harry Potter spell—the summoning spell. You insert a word after, like “accio breadsticks,” and the breadsticks come right to you. Instead of pushing for hours or having a C-section, wouldn’t it be nice to just summon the baby out?
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